Turn ons
by Mibamonster
Summary: "You know, being stalked isn't really a big turn-on for girls." When a certain sparklepire follows her into a dark alley, the Slayer isn't impressed. Set before 'Innocence' S2 and after Twilight.


"_You know, being stalked isn't really a big turn-on for girls." When a certain sparklepire follows her into a dark alley, the Slayer isn't impressed. Set before 'Innocence' S2 and after Twilight._

"That's what you get for not staying with your friends when you're in a strange town," Buffy muttered, looking around to see if there was anything she recognized. This part of Port Angeles wasn't exactly the tourist hot spot and already she'd seen a couple of guys with less than noble intentions. She couldn't help but smile at the memory of the leader's shocked face when she punched him and broke his nose. Hitting humans wasn't usually her modus operandi, but those men were _vile _and while their leader's nose healed, they would probably stay away from other girls.

She hoped.

For their sake.

Still, she now regretted not asking them for directions. Dark alleyways didn't frighten her, but she was getting hungry. That Italian place Willow had talked about sounded really good right now.

She thought she heard something behind her and froze. Her pursuer stopped, too, but not before she heard him take his last step. Casually slipping her hand inside her bag, fingering the stake that was always there, she continued walking. The clacking of her heels didn't quite conceal her pursuer's footsteps.

"You know, being stalked isn't really a big turn-on for girls," she said, when she was sure there was no one else around. She turned around slowly, almost bored, and looked into the handsome face of a boy with reddish-brown hair and very pale skin. His clothes looked expensive and he had a distinct air of being very sure of himself. He was the typical newborn vampire, still gloating over his newfound immortality and extra strength.

"I didn't stalk you," he said. "I followed you."

"Last time I checked, that counted as stalking. Listen. I'm on a vacation, okay? So if you just walk away now, I'll let you go." She paused and cocked her head. "Hey, do you know where I can find Bella Italia? It's supposed to be this good Italian place – great mushroom ravioli, apparently."

He smiled a crooked smile that was so smug Buffy reconsidered on the 'letting him go' part of her little speech. "_You'll_ let _me_ go?" he said. "Do you have any idea who you're dealing with?"

She rolled her eyes, wishing she'd just stayed with Willow and Xander. "Are you _seriously _using that line? My God, what are you, twelve? Yes, I know what I'm dealing with. Vampire, evil undead, blah blah blah." She sighed and grasped her stake, though she didn't pull it out yet. "Yeah, heard that one before."

"I'm the world's most dangerous predator," he growled. "I can kill you by accident if I wanted to!"

"Been there, done that. Right, so you _don't _know the directions to Bella Italia?"

He scowled. "I don't eat human food, you stupid little blonde."

Buffy's jaw clenched and she narrowed her eyes, taking a step towards him. "Not to quote your own bad lines back at you, but – do _you _know who you're dealing with?"

"Food," he said – and then he lashed out at her, a victorious grin already on his face. It soon turned to shock and then fear when she grabbed his arm, spun him around and smashed him into the wall hard enough to leave a dent in the bricks.

"Wrong answer, Mr 'world's most dangerous predator'."

His face was pressed against the wall, but his words were still clearly audible. "Good move. Cheating is a bit low, though, isn't it?" He whimpered as she pressed the point of her stake against his jacket.

"Cheating?" she said. "Cheating how?"

"Just because I can't read your mind, doesn't mean you'll win." He tried to turn around, but she stopped him with a little extra pressure on the stake. "You're just a human."

"Wrong again."

He craned his neck so he could look her in the eyes. "Then what are you?"

She smiled brightly. "I'm Buffy, the vampire Slayer." At his confused expression, she chuckled. "Oh, come on. You must've heard of me. Chosen one, here to destroy all vampires and other evil… no? Man, you _are _a shitty vampire."

"I've stayed close to my humanity," he said. "My human girlfriend -"

"Sorry, _what_? You have a girlfriend?" She took a step backwards and re-assessed his outfit and hair. "A girlfriend with a penis?"

He scrunched up his nose in revulsion. "I'm not some homosexual – that's unnatural."

"Because of course, being a walking corpse is the epitome if naturalness. Sorry, forgot that. So, you found a girl to go out with and not to om-nom-nom?"

He nodded. "Bella."

"And… I mean, not that I'm not glad you didn't, but is there any… particular reason why you're not om-nom-nomming her? Apart from that you'd have to _touch _her for that and get girly germs all over you?"

He glared at her, but answered, "I will not doom Bella to an existence like this. To be like me – soulless – it would be too much for her. She is too pure a creature for that."

"Sorry to break your daydream, er…?"

"Edward. Edward Cullen."

"Edward, but as far as I know, girls who date soulless vampires? Not very pure creatures. I mean, I know a thing or two about dating a vampire -"

His head snapped up. "What do you mean?"

"My boyfriend is one. And I get the attraction to a tall, dark, handsome, broody man with super strength and this weird thing where he suddenly just turns up behind you and kicks demon ass…" She got a dreamy expression on her face, but then she quickly shook her head and re-focused. "But he's got a soul, meaning he is actually nice to be around and is generally a good person. Whereas soulless vampires don't have that much to offer, I think. Not that I don't believe in your true love with this Bella, but have you ever considered she might just be in it for the immortality?" She'd tried to deliver the blow as softly as possible – after all, he might be an annoying pancake, but his immortal life _was _about to be finished – but her sympathy vanished when he laughed at her.

"You honestly think Bella would stoop that low?" he said. "She loves me and I love her. She is my life. She is not frightened by my vampiric life, but, brave as she is, she has accepted and embraced it."

Buffy smiled wistfully. "Yeah, she's definitely in it for the immortality. Hate to put an end to that dream, but… I've got friends waiting for me and I still don't know where Bella Italia is. Are you sure you can't tell me? After all, we're almost buddies now!"

He hesitated for a second, then he shrugged. "You need to go back two blocks, then go right and keep walking. Not that you'll go there – alive, at least." His face changed into one that Buffy had seen so many times before – the ugly bumps, the canine teeth, the yellow eyes. She wondered idly if 'Bella' had seen this side of him, just as she pushed the stake through his heart.

"Thanks for the info," she said to his dusting form. Then she retrieved her stake and hurried for Bella Italia. Staking always gave her an appetite. Maybe she should go for something more substantial than ravioli…

Contemplating the important business of her dinner that night, Buffy left the scene of one of her many slayings. Just another day at the office.


End file.
